My Thoughts on Framing Britney Spears + Today’s Parallels

We watched the “Framing Britney Spears” documentary this week and, much like many others, I felt a wave of emotions while watching it. I felt such sorrow for her, and I often have seen people on social media since saying things like “I feel so bad for her.”

What I keep thinking is – so what do we do to change things?

How can we, as a society, be better for others? How can we prevent a story from playing out like this again?

I have to be honest, I feel a little weird writing this post because I don’t want to make Britney’s situation about me whatsoever. But after watching the documentary, I feel very strongly that there are some important parallels to current social media that need to be pointed out. There are patterns that we need to prevent from happening again. And more than anything, this documentary should serve as a reminder to be kind to others. Because you truly never know what is going on behind the scenes of those who we follow and take in from an objective point of view. And as silly as I feel saying this, I feel like Britney appreciates the support and sharing.

As I was watching “Framing Britney Spears”, I kept feeling like I related to her.

And as I kept watching, I continued to see others relate to her too. It’s kind of the beauty of Britney and the magic behind her persona.

I also noticed that I kept thinking, “that would NEVER fly now a days.” Being asked if she’s a virgin in an interview? An interviewer talking about her breasts? What boys she likes and who she has slept with? Not today. Not in 2021. Right?

The tragic story of how society idolized and then bullied Britney Spears to a point of exhaustion and isolation is horrible. We all watch it back now and feel guilt, feel sorrow and pity. From an outsider’s perspective, we can see what went wrong and what should have happened. And yet, I kept thinking that we see this happen every day now in new ways. Floods of paparazzi may no longer be around as much, but they now take shape through the depths of the internet and all of the accounts and trolls within. The expectations and pressures are still there, they’re just more personal and accessible.

It is so easy for someone to quickly send a response directly to another person, all from behind the comfort of a screen.

Sometimes even from the comfort of an anonymous account. It’s so easy for people to send messages, opinions, and assumptions without thinking about the impact on the person they are sending it to. It’s like, because influencers, bloggers, or whoever put themselves out there that all of a sudden they don’t have human feelings or emotion. All of a sudden their thoughts and feelings aren’t valid or up for discussion.

We pick others apart and tear down their appearance, lifestyle choices, and every detail of every background. We tear down those around us and expect it not to impact them in the long term.

The way we expect influencers to “just ignore it” when they get shamed, bullied or harassed just adds to the toxicity of the current climate. But how does that make an example of how we become better? I can’t tell you how many times people have told me “just ignore the negativity” or “just ignore the haters” or “just ignore the mom shaming.” But the reality is, ignoring it doesn’t fix the problem. Ignoring it just stuffs the issue under the rug and doesn’t actually invoke change. Ignoring it is what we all did for so many years as we watched Britney fall apart in front of our very own eyes. Ignoring it gives those bullies the comfort to continue to do it.

At a certain point in the documentary, we’re told that mental health wasn’t a part of the conversation back then during the ’90s and early 2000s.

But in my opinion, it’s not as much a part of the conversation now as it should be either. Sure, we all became more aware of mental health thanks to 2020. But do we REALLY prioritize it? Do we REALLY accept it? Normalize it? Talk about it? Give grace with it?

We expect people in the public eye (whether that’s someone with 10k followers on Instagram or a celebrity on a reality show) to be perfect but not too perfect. To be relatable but in the areas we want to relate to. To be down to earth but not to complain. To show reality but not so much that it’s no longer aesthetically pleasing or aspirational.

We follow celebrities and influencers (and Britney), and then we don’t ever want them to evolve or change or grow. As Britney grew up, she faced insane backlash and judgements and slut shaming. For me, I’ve been told to “make videos like you used to”, referencing my life as it was shortly after I birthed my first child. Well, my life has changed a lot in the 3 years since that has happened. Am I not allowed to move through life the way others are? Am I just expected to continue to make content as if I’m a brand new first time mom even when that is no longer the case? Am I boring now because my family dynamic has changed and I, as a woman, have grown and changed?

We expect SO much from those we follow.

We expect engaging content. Whether that is polished and perfect or messy and realistic, it needs to be engaging. But we also somehow expect people with followings to now be experts in all topics. They shouldn’t share about anything unless they know everything. They shouldn’t have political views or opinions on current societal events. They should make a statement when large national or worldwide events occur, but they shouldn’t say anything too controversial. They should remain surface level but also connect with us. They should be relevant but not too trendy. They should have depth but not too many emotions. Sadness is depressing. Too much positivity isn’t realistic.

We want to take in free content – for Britney that might have been music videos or performances, for others today it’s a blog post or Instagram photo. But we want to dictate the narrative regardless of how it impacts the performer. Show your body too much? You’re thirsty. Create content outside of your niche? You’re reaching. Don’t show your body enough? You’re boring. Society doesn’t always care about the human behind the art. And society definitely doesn’t seem to care about the mentality of that human.

What I also saw parallels in were that those who do the damage are often the first to point blame elsewhere.

Many times, they are even pointing blame directly at the person they are damaging. In the documentary, a former paparazzi mentioned that it was basically Britney’s fault for not telling them more specifically to “leave her alone forever”. For me, I’ve been told that I triggered a follower’s mental health by sharing my personal views publicly. After that (and after hearing that one month after my friend committed suicide), I no longer share any personal views in this way. Which I hate, because that’s not intuitive to who I am. But I won’t risk potentially harming others or myself in my sharing. I’m afraid to share openly now. I’m afraid of being vulnerable in that way.

So the point is: be kind.

When I was a little girl, Britney Spears quite literally was the epitome of perfection to me. I idolized her. I saw her in concert and cried. I had all of her CDs. Posters in my room. I looked up to her and saw nothing but good things. As I watched her transform in front of our eyes and watched the media transform into what it is now, I saw the truth. “Framing Britney Spears” helps us all see the truth. She’s not perfect, much like all of us. She’s a normal human being with normal issues. She deserved a lot better from us. She still does. And we deserve a lot better from one another.

As I take this story with me and the reflection from it, I think about my boys.

I think about raising our next generations to be kind, to be good, while setting the example for them along the way. Raising them to defend others, to give the benefit of the doubt, and to know it’s okay to ask for help should they ever need it. To know that nothing is wrong with them if they do. And most importantly, to be kind. To others and to themselves.

You truly never know what someone is going through behind closed doors. And although I’m heartbroken for Britney that her story is being told without her a part of the storytelling, I’m relieved that the conversation is finally in her best interest. I’m relieved that mental health is finally becoming a part of the conversation. I’m relieved that all of those little girls, like I used to be, are now seeing that it’s okay to not be okay.

Let’s be more gentle with one another. Let’s not jump to assumptions or judgements or accusations. Let’s give grace. Let’s be content with not knowing the ins and outs of someone’s life and instead just be there to support. More love, less judgement. That is how we create change.

This message from Arielle Estoria resonated with me so much when I read it, I had to share:

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